2.29.2008



AWAKE
Today was a fruitful day. Iskandar and me managed to get the control console on the electric scooter almost done to perfection. It was a tough call though..to travel all the way to TP. I slept throughout the whole journey..ignoring all the eyes staring at me. I couldnt care less. One thing I hate though..is the backache I have for sitting awkwardly while sleeping for almost an hour. Its terrible. Anyways....a Siti Aishah called....I was hesitating before I picked up the call....Who is this gal? Apparently, shes with Mendaki. I have a job this Saturday! They remembered me! hahaha
Alhamdulilah....like they say...rezki ada kat mana2 dan bila2 dengan kehendakNYA. Couldnt come at a better timing. Im in need of cash.
Neelesh was asking me once....Principles or Budget. I chose principle. No matter how in need I am of cash, Id never forsake my principles for it. Money comes and goes. The same cannot be applied to your beliefs, your principles...or what defines you. Its sad to know what some would do for money....not knowing that it might be a test. Its true to an extent...money can buy anything.
Accompanying my way to TAPAC was my consus. I watched this show 'awake'. It starred Christian Haydenson (I hope I got his name right) and Jessica ALBA! Ive not heard about the show before...sadly...cos it was a great one. After watching the movie, I found myself relating to the pesona of the main character. Clayton (christian). Apart from his goodlooks, wealth and charm in that movie, we share something in common. We trust people easily...and out of our generosity...we somtimes find ourselves in trouble. He was betrayed by those he trust...and love...and at the end of the day...the only person that stood by him...was his family...his only family...his Mum.
One who would give her life for him.
"What was it Sam..there were so many details.....What was I looking at? Was it you that I am looking at? I hope you are happy Sam..you'll get what you deserve" Sam..his lover..betrayed him....to the MAX.
I love that line from that movie.
Im a muslim....however, I do believe in karma as well. What goes around comes around.
Women are trouble. For me at least....maybe cos ive yet to find one that really understand me yet, often finding myself taken advantage of. Well I would appreciate it if they dont take me for a fool, for I am not. Everythings a test. 'Diam tidak bererti ku marah...tidak bererti ku kalah'
Im a simple guy...an honest guy. I believe that something good will happen. They say good guys finish last. Im not saying im good.....but im not bad either.
Well...I wondered around Tanjong Pager aimlessly....was there at 630. SB was not there yet....He was suppose to be there....It was nearing maghrib...So I had to go to the mosque nearby to rush for Asar.It was peaceful...I dont noe why.but I felt peace...after weeks of turmoil.
SB wants me to go to the AGM at TAPAC representing kemuning. I met new faces at the meeting. Professionals fom different fields....coming together in the name of art. Living their life with passion...with a reason.
A meeting that would normally take an hour dragged for 3 hours.
I was hungry and tired...but looking at the way these people converse, Address issues and debate ,arouse my attention. It was fun...a worthwhile experience.
As usual, I had to report to SB about the meeting. Soon it was teatime with SB. A sharing of wisdom anf valuable experience.
I was told that as muslims...we should always hope....in any situation....we must hope. So that we can progress in this life in optimism....and its a counter for suicide. Doa...is a form of hope. An autosuggestion. I am afraid to hope...cos im afraid of getting dissapointed. I think in this sense....spritually..I must learn to cope with this.
'jangan menzalimi diri sendiri' I think I am lately. This has got to stop someday.
Im feeling the effects.
La illa hailla anta subahanaka ini kuntum minal zolimin.
May god protect as all.


can`t you even see through me? `` Friday, February 29, 2008

2.28.2008









2008 SINGAPORE AIRSHOW
Ok..its been a while since ive not blogged....Prolly caused I somehow feel vulnerable as I tend to blabber all sorts of nonsense here.....HAHA
This is an avenue...to destress.....my deepest thoughts....feelings.....and stuffs like that.
Somehow....It kinda get to me......that this page is getting tooooo personal
As in its suppose to only convey ideas....hmm..I have to get back on this. To either make it private....or put personal entries over at LJ. (LJs been quite dead lately..I can see cobwebs hanging)
Ok so updates.......weekend......
SATURDAY
Bukom TRIP!!
23rd feb
This has been one of the bestest outing ever organized by the malay corner gang from NTU.
The seniors (ehem) gathered together on this date to lepak to the max in pulau bukum. A great start to the Week break. So....we played poker...bowling ,swimming and guy stuffs.
The whole event was a success. All thanx to Najib, Nas and Wan for the initiative,
Thanx to Najibs dad for sponsoring some stuffs.
Will get photos from them soon.
After a day at bukum, me and some of the guys went over to clementi to try this new hainanese chicken rice place. Rather nice....
After we were done....it was a few rounds of classic DOTA anc CS.
SUNDAY
AIRSHOW!!!
24th feb
After panicking and scurrying around for people to go (ive got an extra ticket ) we managed to get my cute lil cuzin Fatin on board. This is the first time Ive gone to the airshow without being a girl along. Most of them get to enjoy the free and thrilling experience of a biannual airshow. And Mind you..its not easy to get the tix.
Initially it was planned for shahsa and nisha..the two extra tix...but shasha doesnt seem keen on it. So its Osh and Fatin.
So the 6 of us, me,Osh,Sri,Yanti,Herman and Fatin set off one Sunday morning (MORNING!!!) to Pasir Ris. The queue was terrible.
We arrived at the now air show complec around 11am. Walked around....and with Sris DSLR we cam whored (the gals mostly) haha. It was a great day!!
Im glad I brought Osh along. He was great company. They all seem to click very well.
Bumped into My uncle there...And we enjoyed the best 2hrs of our lives watching the air display.
Everyone was excited. Everyone was having so much fun.
Ok..enuff talk...Pictures!!










Oh...Sri uploaded 332 pictures on her multiply of that day....Im not that rajin.

I can only show this much..HAHAHA



can`t you even see through me? `` Thursday, February 28, 2008

2.24.2008



NEVER AGAIN
"As you walk in the valley of the shadow of death"
It comes and goes as it pleases
They come and go like the morning breeze
And when it does leave....Just smile
And when they do leave...say its not meant to be.
What is it that we seek
What is it that I seek
Its not here
Its not there
It never was meant to be found
Its just a naive little thought
From a little voice.....in the corner of the mind
Optimistically weaved
carefully each stitch
Fabricating a fantasy...in suspended reality
A twisted analogy
For words they come cheap.
in comparison with IT
And he rants.......and rants...
Never again will this heart miss a beat.


can`t you even see through me? `` Sunday, February 24, 2008

2.20.2008



STENTORIAN
Its 4 16 on the clock...im mugging!!
This is weird but yeah im doing it....I hope I pull thru the quiz...couldnt come at a better timing.
Oh...I decided to catch the last few bands on rockit...this gig over at NTU. Never tot Uni students were this cool huh....well FYI...we are not all geeky OK.
Some are just blessed with the attitude, goodlooks and intelligence. Its true ppl. Accept this fact.
Oh as for my previous entry...theres no valid reason y I highlight the misery buisness phrase. Its random...and it sounds kinda cool. Like some ppl just dont need 2nd chances. I always give ppl the liberty of that...a second chance.
By the way...Stentorian rawks..
I love the track fly. I even bought their EP. Somehow they kinda give me inspirations to write some songs
Maybe Id start tommorrow. I believe I have gone thru enuff shit to have experience in writing songs.
OK shit...I need to sleep a bit....If not id b a walking zombie in school
not good...soooo not good.
Cant wait till friday.......*BEAM*


can`t you even see through me? `` Wednesday, February 20, 2008

2.19.2008



FLYING ON THE SMOKE MACHINE
Its time to give this love equation a rest.
Maybe the door is not open yet for this shit. But hey...I feel good. Its as though im preparing for something bigger.
Its a good thing that nothings broken.
Im in school! Its back to the books. No more distractions now.....Its just me, myself, my books and my good friends.I met mas and her clique....before long....fath and the Mae gals dropped by. Sri introed me to some cool songs by Taufiq Batisah (ewww). Ok its not the singer...its the song. I appreciate musicians....not artists.He can really write some nice songs. Kudos to that.
Made plan with Mas to watch jumper....Haha cool,,,,,Im suppossed to be extra nice to her. HAHAHA!!
This is sweet..never before have I thought that I can hold a conversation with gals yet alone have really good female friends...
I have really changed....Ahmad must be shaking his head right now. Cos we both used to be the SHY guys...seems like ive broken out of that shell. Still shy..but not DAT shy.
Anyways.....Ive think about it.....I dont think im ready for a relationship. Was talking to the gals of the benefits of a no strings attatched relationship. Weirdly im considering it...before getting thrashed by Fath on the risks of it...Risks of getting hurt.
Hurt....haha....im kinda ued to it...I mean..Im a guy.....True we are human....but thank god...We are not that emotionally immensed in this kinda things. I was...but after thinking bt it....maybe I need to love myself more. Thats what I did. I pampered myself with food..OH glorious Food.
Sri complained that Im getting thinner....USed to look better when school just opened.
Well im aiming to get back to that 21 look.....I think physically the frame is about there.....next is the hair.......its gonna be short.
21 huh...thats like 4 years ago......4 years when I was at my prime....having the time of my life.....no worries....and being very happy.....happy for me.
Come to think of it......I dont need anyone....I have all the love I need. Its just that I need to share It with someone.......too bad they cant see it as such.....Mayb I should be selfish bt it.
NO SHARING (hahaha)
Mas asked me if I know Aidl...and how I know him.
Aidil reply was shocking....
"yanto...kenal apa...dia kan famous"
Famous kepa~~~ Hahaha.....im low profile bradder.
Campus life sure is bizzare......its the next best thing after JC.
Quizes and assignments.
Have to submit 2 things tommorrow. A quiz and a proff comm assn. And the thing is....hey Im doing it now!!! not yesterday..not a week before...but NOW!
Ok..somethings are realy not worth to be pondered about
GOD....thanx for the test (I think I just passed this time)
Ill try to get an A from YOU next time. Keep testing me. I like this....Its great....Every time I fall...I feel that im getting closer to YOU. Its a good thing that my iman n senses are intact. If not...HAHA...id be a mat*
Ill drink my sorrows away...take drugs...and enjoy this sweet life. Treet women like meat and make them my cash cow.
Thank God im not like that. I dunno how some ppl can live like dat.
For the past month...Ive gotten back to that part of life which ive left for so long. The late nights...the hours wasted on nothing but talks and ciggs. It was refreshing. To visit a world thats different. But I know...this is not meant to be long. Im not that easily influenced. Distracted yes...not influenced.
Ok....lets play something nice.....

PRESSURE

by paramore

Tell me where our time wentAnd if it was time well spentJust don’t let me fall asleepFeeling empty againCause’ I fear I might break And I fear I can’t take it Tonight ill lay awake Feeling emptyI can feel the pressureIts getting closer nowWere better off without youI can feel the pressure Its getting closer nowWe’re better off without youNow that I'm losing hopeAnd there’s nothing else to showFor all of the days that we spentCarried away from homeSome things ill never knowAnd I had to let them goI’m sitting all alone[Pressure lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]Feeling emptyI can feel the pressureIts getting closer nowWere better off without youI can feel the pressureIts getting closer nowWere better off without youWithout youSome things ill never know And I had to let them goSome things ill never know And I had to let them goI’m sitting all aloneFeeling emptyI can feel the pressureIts getting closer nowWere better off without youFeel the pressureIts getting closer nowYou’re better off without me

DOUBLE POST!

I just have to put in this song.


MISERY BUSINESS

I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the topShe's got a body like an hourglass it's ticking like a clockIt's a matter of time before we all run out...When I thought he was mine, she caught him by the mouthI waited eight long monthsShe finally set him freeI told him I can't lie, he was the only one for me Two weeks and we had caught on fireShe's got it out for me, but I wear the biggest smileWoah I never meant to brag,But I got him where I want him nowWhoa... it was never my intention to bragTo steal it all away from you nowBut God does it feel so good'Cause I got him where I want him nowAnd if you could then you know you would'Cause God it just feels so...It just feels so goodSecond chances they don't ever matter, people never changeOnce a whore, you're nothing more, I'm sorry that'll never changeAnd about forgiveness, we're both supposed to, have exchangedI'm sorry honey, but I'm passing up, now look this way!Well there's a million other girls who do it just like youLooking as innocent as possible to get to whoThey want and what they like, it's easy if you do it right[Misery Buisness lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!Woah I never meant to brag,,But I got him where I want him nowWhoa... it was never my intention to bragTo steal it all away from you nowBut God does it feel so good'Cause I got him where I want him right nowAnd if you could then you know you would'Cause God it just feels so...It just feels so good ...I watched his wildest dreams come trueNot one of them involving youJust watch my wildest dreams come trueNot one of them involving ...Woah I never meant to brag,,Cause I got him where I want him now ...Woah I never meant to brag,,To steal it all away from you nowBut God does it feel so good'Cause I got him where I want him nowAnd if you could then you know you would'Cause God it just feels so...It just feels so good



can`t you even see through me? `` Tuesday, February 19, 2008

2.17.2008



SUCKY WEEKEND
This week is sucky for many reasons. One, Myl aptop was down because the charger was not working. So applying my engineering trouble shooting skills (hahaha) I manage to conclude that the fuse was blown ( too bad I didnt have an multimeimeter..if not id use it to prove this fact. True enough I bought a fuse today and walah...its working like a charm.
Ive met new friends recently....and somehow....I dunno...things happen. God is great.
"It doesnt matter if its one car or two...it not a big deal...but to know what a man is made off, thats something"
I dont like to test people...but somtimes..they are just asking for it. To know who is true and sincere. If you want to test me....well its up to...but what you see so far of me...that is who I am. Im not one who knows how to play with words or efficient in fooling around with matters of the heart. As for now....From what has happened...I dunno what to think. I leave this to God. What I do know is that....I am dissapointed. I know it takes time to understand a person...maybe this is it...or maybe this is not. I dunno anything right now. I think id dissapear for a while.
Osh stayed with me the whole saturday night after practice. We chilled by the reservoir over at Teban. Discussing about problems and issues (mostly mine)....and at the same time argueing that theres no overgrown grass growing till above the water...its just an optical illusion...how light reflects and diffract at times..I noe I give stupid comments at times to him...but im dead serious bro..its the refraction of light above the uneven water surface. He even missed the Man U and Aresenal match....untuk members.Ive learnt that its better to discuss your problems with peole close to you....to get feedbacks....to have different perspectives..cos somethings are just too big to be handled alone. He treated me to Boonlay Power Nasi Lemak after that... Hes been a great friend lately. And I appreciate that.
Appreciaition...sometimes people just dunno what it means.
Ive made up my mind at this point. Ini bukan cakap habis. Im saying at this point. Id like my life to go back to the way it used to. And Im happy. My phone was flooded with calls and messages that night. Neleesh was having his own set of problems. Sorry I cant be there for you bro. I cant even be there for myself. Ezran, Sorry for cancelling the outing, Things happen bro. And Haseena, You need to get sleep. HAHAHA
Its time to chuck things aside Yan.Just wait for the right time to open it up again.
And I thought I understand gals....hahaha...maybe what they say Is true.....Men just wont understand. Id say....talk it out and be practical. We are not mind readers. We only can tell things to a certain extent.
Men should be the practical ones. The not so practical ones....those who believes in all the emo crap (like myself). This rare breed....are just not meant to be that lucky.
Dianah messaged.....shes been rather persistant. As a friendly gesture, I agreed to meet up, provided that her bro comes along. And we did...did some catching up. Met the mum....chatted with her from underneath the block..hahaha...its nice to meet back old familiar faces.
It seems like she has changed as well. Good for her. We are strictly friends.....and by the way...I need to meet her for ciggs...I ran out. hahaha. Oh....yeah her current ex Surin dropped by as well. Nice chap.....she even have the cheek to say that, yey now two of my exes are here. I replied cheekilly to Surin...yeah she likes doing this...collecting exs.
I realised that Ive changed alot....besides physically....I think that right now...im having alot of female friends. Its strictly platonic. Gals are good in the sense that some of their opinions are different from the kinda response guys gives (duh). So do not think that im a player or anything. I need to say this once and for all.
Life is good for now. I love every minute of it.
I am a patient man.Dont ever test me beyond the limits.....you wont want to see the devil in me.
Hes going...hes going...hes.....
*poof*
ggaaaannnnnnn


can`t you even see through me? `` Sunday, February 17, 2008

2.15.2008



RUNNING DEEP ON DANGEROUS TERRAIN
*NOTE: The contents of this blog, although public are not to be discussed with any person mentioned in any entry. I would appreciate it if its restricted, to your eyes only info. Cos I dont want to have to explain my personal thoughts to the mentioned person*
Thank You.
Happy Valentines Day (belated)
Ok dont start with all the "you shouldnt celebrate this" "its a commercilised day..so dont entertain it" or the one I dislike most "its not religious"
Look, Its a day of celebration....to commamorade love (in a sense) to give an avenue to tell that special person that he or she is the light of your life, To make someone feel good and of cos, to tell those you cherish..that they are a big part of your life. I take it as that. Im a helpless romantic. Cant help it...theres just so much to give. Like I said before in one of my previous entry, its ridiculous to just condemn this day just cos we know that its a day where most muslims are slaughtered. People, Muslims are slaughtered on many occasions in the past. And why do we celebrate New year and stuffs. Who knows..mayb its a dark day for muslims as well. Sheesh. So dont let this kinda things influence ur deepest sincerity. Its the thought that matters. And people, Unless its stated that its wrong, its not. Lets not live on the ideas and expectations of certain individuals. We are given the gift to think. Apart from all this, your actions is between you and GOD. So...why be afraid.HE knows you better. That is all that matters
Ok todays entry is gonna be a long one. Read the title...Im running deep (haha)
I went out with Someone obviously and to show that someone of my sincerity, not expecting anything in return ,in the form of gifts. This is nothing compared to what im gonna do for my partner. So for my future partner out there...dont worry...I have lots of special things instore. Did I mention im helplessly romantic (haha).
Ok during the wee hours of Vday...preVday, I had a nice chat with Liyana, Haseena and Filza (not in order of importance).
To Liyana
Thanx for being such a good friend. Thanx for being the concern one, reminding me of things that I might have overlooked (I tend to forget things at times....brains fried I think) Thanx for making me feel good about myself. And up till now, I think you are the only person whom I know that can see me through all the masks that I wear. Masks that I wear to protect my individuality, my senses. To not be an easy riddle to crack, to be that diamond in the rough. Thanx. And also!! Thanx for the nice cheese cake that you made the last time! Its the bestest cheese cake ive ever tasted! serious..its wicked!
To Haseena
A dear friend that helps me open up the horizons, the limitaion to my thoughts, a breath of fresh air to this world. Though we are having this peculiar friendship (we never meet), I hope that we can continue sharing our (sick) thoughts (hahaha)
To Filza
One that helps me in giving valuable advice, religious wise in times of need. To share her thoughts (professionally) on issues that concens society. And also just being there when I need to converse. Thanx
To those not mentioned.....mayb cos...you know who you are...Thanx. Thanx for being there...Thanx for being part of my life...thanx for letting me touch your lives in one way or another.
I messaged Shaiful, An old friend back from high school. I miss him. Hes like a brother in a sense. Darn..I miss the old days. But..thats whats lifes all about. To keep looking forward and not holding on the the past. It makes your journey easier....It makes it more worthwhile.....and it opens the door to many other possibilities.
And of cause...Not forgetting Neelesh.
Bro....You know I know lah ah...Theres not much words to say and describe how much I treasure our friendship. THanx for being there for me. You are the kinda fren I can laugh and cry with. And hey.....lets make it together yah. Lets set our eyes on that legacy.
Oh..Dianah called early Thursday morning. It was rather unexpected. And as usual..giving suttle hints that shes not having a good time in her relationship and all. And even request for a meet up. Whoa....chill gal....I dont wont like to get involved with someones elses property...and as a friend...lets just stay like that. Let us just be friends..thats as far I can offer right now.
I think my ex is mad at me somehow. Well...I wont want to even think about it. But its just a thorn you noe. I dont like hurting people. But sometimes...you know..they just kinda asks for it.
I woke up late Friday Morning. Shoot it was already 1230. And I have prayers to go to. So I dragged my beated body to the washroom and in 15mins, left the house. Theres someting different about myself today(running deep..hint2). I hate feeling like this...but this is just those kinda obstacles you cant dodge. You have to face it and make a choice. Lifes all about choices aint it. I pray Everyday...that HE will show the what I seek. Its been a while.
During the Doa....I kinda feel my head spinning..you know like if im in a trance or smthing, I can picture a big drum in me..rotating about an irregular axis...dragging my brain in its motion. MashaAllah. I dunno why but someohow after prayers...I decided to walk home. From Jurong East to West. I need to clear my mind off things..I need to find solutions. So I took this walk. Walks are good for many reasons, It helps train your cardio, it helps you think, and you can actaully zikir with peace when you do it. God was kind to me. I was sheltered from the shearing heat all the way...and gentle breezes accompanied me. When my journey ended, The heat sets in again. I pulled out my earphones....music isnt good for a time like this. Music is a distraction...and distractions are associated with the devil. So I walked calmly..controlling my breathing...controlling the amount of fluid I excrete out from my body..controlling my thoughts. OH sis if you are reading this...Walks are good for losing weight! HAHAHA.
Gentle breezes on my face....somehow whispering to my ears....People say that somtimes..when you are in need of HIM.....he will show you solutions in many ways...and sometimes...they can be hidden in the sounds of the waves....the breeze or even the falling rain. You just have to open up...ikhlas....and redha.
You know....if you put a piece of crap in a cake....no one will know its there. Unless you remove all the flavourings...all the preety decorations...the scent. If not...it will just look as pleasant as an ordinary cake. Hurt can be masks in such...but its still there...somehow...if you put nice things to the equation...it might just dissapear. The smell from the crap might be overcome by the other ingredients. It might take a few weeks, months years. But isit worth it. To remain shity for long. To immense yourself in pain...issit worth it? Love comes and goes..like a playful fairy it toys around with individuals. Sometimes it stays a while..leaving behind that curse of hurt....sometimes it stays for life...leaving behind the curse of commitment. above all things...its a free spirit. When you embrace it...you feel as if you are flying. And for that brief moment...you should be blessed to experience it. Dont focus on the pain and the What ifs. Focus on the joy it brought. Focus on the lessons it gave. and use it when you when it visits you again in future. "life is a journey, your learn it when you are through"
Sometimes...I ask god....if its worth it...I am willing to trade the remaining years of my life..apart from that given to nicotine and all the other toxins I take in. To give me the bliss of true love. Even if its for a day even. (ok mayb I might need a week at least).
Well thats me...As of now....im standing on another junction. just waiting for the right reason, the right sign, to make a move and venture on again. I think im coping well with this things. Thanx to him..I think that I am stronger. and also..luckily...I only have to calm myself down with ciggies (which im planning to forgo) instead of other things.
Ive seen many changes in myself...physically, mentally and emotionally. Its a good sign. HE never abandons us....its us who tend to abandon HIM.
This is me yan..reminding you in case you forgot, of the little things in life.
Have a good life ahead people. Cherish your loved ones.

Mayday Parade - Miserable At Best

Katie, don't cry, I knowYou're trying your hardestAnd the hardest part is letting goOf the nights we sharedOcala is calling and you know it's hauntingBut compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as brightAnd when we look to the sky, its not mine, but I want it soLet's not pretend like you're alone tonight(I know he's there)You're probably hanging out and making eyes(while across the room, he stares)I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floorAnd ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yesBecause these words were never easier for me to sayOr her to second guessBut I guessThat I can live without you butWithout you I'll be miserable at bestYou're all that I hoped I'd findIn every single wayAnd everything I could giveIs everything you couldn't takeCause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles awayAnd the hardest part of livingIs just taking breaths to stayBecause I know I'm good for somethingI just haven't found it yetBut I need itSo let's not pretend like you're alone tonight(I know he's there)[ Miserable At Best lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]You're probably hanging out and making eyes(while across the room, he stares)I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floorAnd ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yesBecause these words were never easier for me to sayOr her to second guessBut I guessThat I can live without you butWithout you I'll be miserable at bestLadada ladada ladadaoh ohhhAnd this will be the first time in a weekThat I'll talk to youAnd I can't speakIt's been three whole days since I've had sleepBecause I dream of his lips on your cheekAnd I got the point that I should leave you aloneBut we both know that I'm not that strongAnd I miss the lips that made me flySo let's not pretend like you're alone tonight(I know he's there)You're probably hanging out and making eyes(while across the room, he stares)I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floorAnd ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yesBecause these words were never easier for me to sayOr her to second guessBut I guessThat I can live without you butWithout you I'll be miserableAnd I can live without youBut without you I'll be miserableAnd I can live without youOh, without you I'll be miserable at best



can`t you even see through me? `` Friday, February 15, 2008

2.11.2008



BAD MOOD
I was having this weird feeling since sunday night. I guess it might have been the conversation me and Shasha had. I dunno...I just feel so negative in a way.
I was even worried that she might not make it for her interview. This gal ah..champion.
Having an interview tommorow morning..still can hang out till sooo late. Well I understand..its not everyday old friends drop by.
Anyways.....Filz was nice enough to have a conversation with me. Just to get my mind off things. The feeling remained till now...and worst of all..I went to school for nothing. Tutorial was cancelled. Filz called....hang out with her and her cuzzin for lunch before anoyying Dara and the gals (Ibrizah and Simaa). Me being tired and in such a lousy state is not a good combi. I think im gonna avoid alot of people today. Ok its time to sleep. Have a quiz to prepare for tommorow. Looks like its gonna be a long nite.


can`t you even see through me? `` Monday, February 11, 2008

2.10.2008



Happy Birthday Nisha
I went for a funeral early Friday Afternoon. Its the second time ive been there this week. The place is kinda an irony to me. It gives you peace...at the same time fear. Fear in knowing that youd never know when your turn will come...and if you are prepared for it. My 'points' have not been that high lately. There are things that I ought to do that I dont...and things that I ought not to..but I do. Gawd...its like O levels all over again..hoping that Id get less than 20 points to get to JC. Now its like hoping that Id get enough points to get a quick path to paradise. Ultimately, Muslims are promise a place in heaven. But...when we will get there( after thousand of years in hell or a few days) and and which level of heaven we get to (5 star treatment or no star treatment..)is a different issue. The 'Talkin" (pronounced 'tul cain') always have an effect on me. Its a reminder....that....no matter what I do...im a Muslim. Like what Cikgu Manaf said...we can forget that we are malays....but never forget that we are Musims.
I went to meet Yana (nisha) and Shasha later on, ive no idea where we are going...but as usual..Shasha is late( yana you should do a better job in making her rush next time..was counting on you...hehe) Anyways..turned out..we were to go East Coast..sort of yana's pre Birthday BBQ tingy. Met her family there and stuff....and we get to chill at the Water breaker. It sure brings back memories. I like to listen to the waves while I was there...but Shasha cant seem to understand...she loves blasting the music. Well She needs to unwind more badly than I do I guess..so i just go with the flow. Yana seemed down..So i thought maybe id try to mayb give her a treet, Bowling!! and guess what..with my family. Not just my family...with all the cuzzins and uncle and all. HAHA. Its the first time ive seen Shasha lose her coolness. Shes all nervous and all (relax gal...they dont bite). So we went there first to book the lanes. First to arrive was Chitras family, followed by Sri's family and mine. It was KECOH! And there are improvements! Cik Temi got TURKEY! gawd! Amazingly..my brother also improved alot. There are also more strikes this time round.
Yana and Shasha had to go off. Was hoping that theyd stay for supper though.
Anyways...Today, I went to practice as usual. Koko seemed slightly upset..maybe cos ive missed the last two practices. (sorry bro..family first) Osh was sick (watever) haha
Went to fetch Shasha later to go to East Coast. We ended up Chilling at West Coast instead..cos Yana went home already (BOOOO) haha. This time around...she didnt blast the music....I enjoyed the waves ( its as if she knew that I wanted too).
We talked....and talked...and I enjoyed my time. Every minute of it (seconds even ). When It was time to part, at her place, I noticed this pink plastic bag at the bag. apparently it was there since Friday. It was a Tshirt for me...from Shasha. Gee tanx..that was unexpected. :)
Darn..its almost 5 and im still here awake and not having the slightest intention to sleep. I need help. HAHA
Anyways...I think thats all for now.
Tanx Yana for the Invitation to chill at East Coast with your family
And also....things happen for a reason I guess. Lets all pray its for the best.
Till next time.
Take Care peeps~~


can`t you even see through me? `` Sunday, February 10, 2008

2.08.2008



KEKASIH GELAPKU
( SECRET LOVER )
I love this song by Ungu...and amazingly even my dad loves it. Ok my dad is not the typical pop rock fan. However, he finds the song amazingly beautiful. Hes more of a poetic kinda person and also a fan of deep songs like SUATU MASA by M nasir. Anyways, Yesterday, at East Coast, whle we were all chilling by the beach, I played this song. My dad asks, do you all know what its about? All this while, I believed that its about those unrequited love kinda thingy, loving someone from afar. Partly cos SOMEONE once dedicated this song to me before, hoping that my heart will open up for her. However, this things takes time....and honestly I tried.....but maybe, Its just not to be. (biyane)
So lets look at the lyrics


Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...
Ku tahu ku takkan selalu ada untukmu
Disaat engkau merindukan diriku
Ku tahu ku takkan bisa memberikanmu waktu
Yang panjang dalam hidupku
Yakinlah bahwa engkau adalah cintaku
Yang ku cari selama ini dalam hidupku
Dan hanya padamu ku berikan sisa cintaku
Yang panjang dalam hidupku...
Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...
Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku... Ooh...
Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...
Its a bout this guy whos either married or already have a partner. However, he fell in love with another....Thats why no one can noe . and thats why he can only give the 'leftovers' (sisa) of his love to her. He really truly love this gal, and she does too howver, circumstances are as such.
So basically...its a scandalous song..HAHAHA
Ok enough of the emo crap. Its a nice song on its own...and I love it.
As I said earlier...I hoped I dont have to rot in east coast...well I didnt (thank god)
Sri and her family was kind enough to join.(thanx sis)
Anyways....we all had stomach aches...prolly cos of eating too much at popeyes. To me, nothing beats DO&ME fried chicken. Its still number one in our list.
Ok...might be going bowling later.....with the cuzzins Yeah!
Till next time..
take care~


can`t you even see through me? `` Friday, February 08, 2008

2.07.2008



ZOMBIE
Happy CNY peeps. So..how did I spent my hols so far......
Morning - went to the cemetry
Afternoon - Zonked out till 6
Present - Awaiting the rest get ready for dinner at popeyes chicken
as well as spending the nighit over at East Coast Park.
Gawd...seriously.....I think im gonna rot there. I hope not though...
Anyways....let the night unravel itself....
Yesterday....Went out with the gals again.....to SING!!
HAHA....yana was kind enough to chip in for me and Shasa (TANX GAL)
It was an enjoyable day.
It was a great day
And I just LOVE how it ended at the end.
May we have HIS blessings in what we do
Its hard to let the heart lead me on again.
Im on auto pilot now....like a zombie given a boost of IQ. (I believe Ive made a lot of typos this far....I have a valid reason for that.)
I hope dad will drive later.......cos speed racer is out of juice. Just wana slack jack at the back...and let the night pass by quickly.


can`t you even see through me? `` Thursday, February 07, 2008

2.06.2008



LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE
Today...I put the plan to practice....cycling to school. Its been a while though...however, I realised that im getting faster at it....maybe its the adrenaline..that need for speed. I reached school faster than the normal travelling time it takes me by bus. I took roughly half an hour, 40mins max. However it was a mad rush to school just now...as in jumping kerbs to avoid traffic lights (I cycle on the road by the way) So yah..that saved me some time. However today I realised that My bikes in a really bad shape....its rusting like mad...the chain looked as if its gonna snap anytime soon (NOOOOO). Oh mad Nurul too...and she must have told Farid abt me cycling cos he msged me bt it. He also made me realise that I have been riding this bike for freaking 8 years. WOW.Imagine that....8 blooming years and this thing can still take the speed and the jumps....awesome.
After tutorial, I had to rush home...the sky dont look that friendly to cyclist...So I dashed home in the nick of time...catching only a slight drizzle.
In the later part of the day, I went to town for a meeting, TARTS related. Its gonna be bz bz for me in the next few weeks. Fauzys planning to make me learn the hard way..by giving me a booth to handle.(bites nails) HAHA. Its a good idea bro....but seriously..I shall give it my best.
Met Neelesh and the gals at Jurong West. Brought em over to NTU to chill. The view from the rooftop of NBS is amazing. Neelesh was showing us clips from HEY BABY....and everyone got excited...espeacially shasha.HAHA.
He can be super annoying to otheres at times...however....hes a good friend to chil and share your problems with.
Anyways......I would like to dedicate this song to Nisha. If your reading this....its for you noe who.
And also to all those people who keep screwing around and being all fickle and all.
Dont make a fool of everyone


Take my photo off the wallIf it just won't sing for you'Cause all that's left has gone awayAnd there's nothing there for you to proveOh, look what you've doneYou've made a fool of everyoneOh well, it seems likes such funUntil you lose what you had wonGive me back my point of view'Cause I just can't think for youI can hardly hear you sayWhat should I do, well you chooseOh, look what you've doneYou've made a fool of everyoneOh well, it seems likes such funUntil you lose what you had wonOh, look what you've doneYou've made a fool of everyoneA fool of everyoneA fool of everyoneTake my photo off the wallIf it just won't sing for you'Cause all that's left has gone awayAnd there's nothing there for you to doOh, look what you've doneYou've made a fool of everyoneOh well, it seems likes such funUntil you lose what you had wonOh, look what you've doneYou've made a fool of everyoneA fool of everyoneA fool of everyone



can`t you even see through me? `` Wednesday, February 06, 2008

2.05.2008



SPECIALLY YOU
Guess what peeps...its 150am and here I am blogging. Life must really be going thru a round of twister for me...erm left hand yellow...left leg green...and...splat
"The tables turned so suddenly"
Maybe its for a good reason.....its not wise to question the works of God...However it is wise to question how did we get here....(wherever here is)
Mistakes after mistakes...we fumble clumsily thru this stage of life...not knowing what is in store. However what we do noe (at times ) is our stubborn nature to not learn. And yet we still do it.
(ok what the hell are you blaberring at this time of night/morning)
Anyways...to those who understands....then its great to be understood.
Today....I went out to help Shasha get a job somewhere near Bugis. I really hope she does get one soon....cos she needs it. So if anyone out there who have any openings to offer do beep me (free advertising...bopian..bo lui)
On our way there, This uncle (suspected junkie) said the following:
Junkie : Salam bro....
Me : wasalam....
Junkie : nie melayu eh
Me : (wth) ermm ah ah..kenapa?
Junkie : mintak tolong ah bro...member gua dah bui gua lah
Me : (OOooooK) apa cerita ?
Junkie : mintak duit boleh bro?
Me : brapa?
Junkie : $2
Shasa : lets go (tugging me away)
Me : $2 tak ada ah...50cent ok?
Junkie : Ok..boleh..terima kasih
Shasha : wah you so nice ah...
disclaimer: conversation is subjected to change due to the shock the author was experiencing. However..the gist of the whole thing is unaltered.
Thank you (I said thank you)
After Asar,we hang out at city hall to access the free wireless at Mcs. God bless free wireless services!
So we did some resumes and stuffs like that...the normal thing. Oh yah, yana came too and we were having a blast (as usual )
We sat by the river front shortly....Yana kept saying that tonight is different somehow...Shasha agrees too. Me...I just kept quiet...I dont want them to know this then.
For I also feel that its different in a way.
The gals went off to penin...leaving me alone...ALONE!! for one hour (close to an hr actually)
It sux..but luckily I have good friends to accompany me. Tanx Neelesh and Fath!
The day ended rather well I suppose.
I need help
as in seriously.......
Im having my first donation tin can made
Do donate generously to the needy
I am needy.
HAHA
I dont have any songs to share tonight (a bit lazy to go to you tube ). However...If I do want to post a song, it will have to be
"Follow ME" by Uncle Kracker
Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me


can`t you even see through me? `` Tuesday, February 05, 2008

2.04.2008



Month of Love
Its the a new month people.....and let this month be blue. For many reasons
1) Its my favourite colour
2) I find it peaceful and serene
3) Its the colour of the clear sky on a windy day (have you ever noticed how beautiful that is)
Ok, enough of that, lets get cracking.
Firstly, Congrats to Artina and Firdaus for finally tying the knot today, after years of romance (JC LOVEBIRDS). Im proud of both of you. May you both be blessed with many more years of happiness together, with each other. GAMBATTE!
It was a wet wet sunday. Met up with old mates at the wedding, did some catching up and stuffs, Guys with their guy talks (among other things like checking the crowd) and Gals with their makeups and kebayas (among other things and checking the crowd as well)
Met up with a few friends after that, went to bugis to get some stuffs.....I think im getting broke really fast, Maybe its time to put that bike (bicycle) back to shape. Cycle to school to save up some cash sounds like a swell idea right now. Recently I told osh that I think that Im beggining to turn to a daredevil driver. Its like I dont know why but this sudden zest in me. This sudden need for speed, this unity of man and machine, I seriously need to get a wife (car) soon. And take care of her like my life depends on it. Why? cos unlike gals, they dont give you that much hurt (unless you wreck it...boy is dat gonna be painful). As much as I want someone to be with, I think experience have taught me to be more careful. So...I will take things slow for the moment. Good thing is, the numbness is gone. Its time to let opportunities flow in.
Ok back to cars. The day before, My sis got freaked out by my driving. If you (sis) are reading this please dont tell them (mum and dad) k. and Sis, Trust me on my driving. Im an enthusiast...im not a fool. I calculate my risks carefully. Thats how I got this far in life I guess. Calculate risks. You should know me better. And also, dont tell mum and dad (2nd time..im serious bt this)(I think they already know...but to what extent...Im unsure ). Alhamdulilah, Ive had a clean sheet so far, I hope it stays that way. Driving is a passion. Driving fast, with all that adreneline..is another thing. Its better than any other emotion known to man.
On the way to Yishun, Along the Marine Parade Exit, approaching the corner, at 90KM/Hr, I dropped gear, Brake before the turn steered left and reved up. As expected, the car drifted. I guessed I might have oversteered....so I counter steered, clumsilly causing the car to shift erratically from side to side before putting it straight back into lane. (This was done when no other vehicle was around. Im neither a road hazard nor a moron). The feeling was orgasmic. hahaha. Its been a while since I did such acts (last was in NTU, before they put those humps along hall 7, BOOOO).
Its the month of LOVE. love love love
This four letter that has constanly been at the back of my mind. Ive so much to give....but sadly..not many tend to appreciate it. Osh said that im too nice a person and that maybe I should stop being too nice. Well I dont noe...this is how I am. Its hard to change this. And who knows...maybe an angel from above might learn to appreciate this part of me. God is great, Everything is kinda mapped out for us. However, Its up to us how to place the pieces correctly. We control the path...to the destination set by him. Nothing is confirmed. Thats why we are told to work hard for it and ask for guidance when we are stuck. We are just humans. And being humans, we have alot of shortcomings.
"And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now"
Here I am at 237 in the morning..writing this entry...getting sleepy now. Till I blog again.
Tata~~


Just to share this awesome song........Its sad but true......everythings made to be broken in a way...But......Ive not given up hope as yet....Somethings are made to be broken....while some are made to last a lifetime....So ultimately, dont be blind....see....feel....and listen

And I'd give up forever to touch you'Cause I know that you feel me somehowYou're the closest to heaven that I'll ever beAnd I don't want to go home right nowAnd all I can taste is this momentAnd all I can breathe is your life'Cause sooner or later it's overI just don't want to miss you tonightAnd I don't want the world to see me'Cause I don't think that they'd understandWhen everything's made to be brokenI just want you to know who I amAnd you can't fight the tears that ain't comingOr the moment of truth in your liesWhen everything feels like the moviesYeah you bleed just to know you're alive[Iris lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]And I don't want the world to see me'Cause I don't think that they'd understandWhen everything's made to be brokenI just want you to know who I am(break and solo)And I don't want the world to see me'Cause I don't think that they'd understandWhen everything's made to be brokenI just want you to know who I amAnd I don't want the world to see me'Cause I don't think that they'd understandWhen everything's made to be brokenI just want you to know who I amI just want you to know who I amI just want you to know who I amI just want you to know who I am



can`t you even see through me? `` Monday, February 04, 2008