*Womens' Wrath*

I met a friend not long ago, even after all the problems and crap we have with each other, I put it aside for old times sake, he was down and he needs someone to talk to.

After the long talk, It made me realise something, something that im blessed with, a very loving family. I realise that its true that if you think that you are facing a hard time, theres always someone whos facing something worst. He was beaten and battered, and I just have to be there.

I grew up with values that are of love and respect. The words 'sorry' is never far from my lips for im not brought up with this ideology of ego. And when I do realise its existence, Its too late, my character and personality is far to solid to be swayed. Pride, I do believe in pride and to be clear, its not the same as ego. Pride is your self worth. Ego, is your 'face'. Pride is something that youd lay down your life for. With pride comes honour, and without honour, its not worth living.

I was once told that im not good at standing up for my partners, and that gals like being stood up for, they feel protected and sorts. Now my stand to this is again pride. As long as your pride is not compromised, to me its cool. Cos most of the time, its the ego that is being bruised, not your pride and self worth. I mean, Is it worth it ? To stand up for someone whom ur not even sure loves you with the same intensity as you do? Someone who doesnt show you the slightest sign that you have weight in their lives. We are not talking about the usual meet up and fone calls, its something deeper.....If you understand this, then you know wat im talking about.

However, If its for my family, friends who have been there for me, these people who have sacrifice something from their life to accomodate to my needs, without asking for anything in return. The sincerity of bringing back a lost smile without being asked to. This are the people whom id give my life to.

There are also people who have so much ego in them, that they cant show love, It seem so unatural and alien to do so in their opinion. The moment they open their mouth, something hurtful comes out of it, eventhough their heart is beaming with love. Its tough to understand them, but, i hope they lay back a bit and chill, A mountain of ego points is not gonna be beneficial if your not receiving the kind of love, or giving the kind of love that you should. Stop pretending and lying and for once, step out from that shell and speak from the heart. Before its too late.

Ive seen people, and this is from a personal experience, regretting not able to tell their love ones how much they mean to them, till its too late. Its better to spend a few minutes, seconds even of shame than a lifetime of regret. Do the maths, issit worth it?

Im running deep again, venturing deep in my thoughts and soul. Im often seen looking tired, often 'high' and this is something amusing to my friends. Theyd say I sniff glue or take drugs and stuff like that, and id play along, they are not eating to my self pride, its just stupid remarks which even a 10 year old can tell. The reason to this is maybe due to my late nights. I cant stop worrying and thinking. I think im cursed. Haha, my dad does this too, and I think this habit of ours contribute significantly to the monthly electric bills. Ive always longed for a peaceful sleep and a deep one, one which I can clear my mind off things for just a moment, and rest. I need to seek help. HAHAHA.

Its hard for us to accomplish the best in one lifetime. Its not impossible, but the percentage of success is small. If its high, then there wont be poverty would there, there wont be debts and problems. We will all be in eutopia. Its a game of choice and most of you already know this, Its how you priotise your life, carear vs family, money vs love things like that. You cant have both of them. My dad taught me that you cant have everything in life. To have something, you have to forgo the other. And he also said that If you love someone sincerely, you must learn to let go and not ask for anything back.I apply this to some of the decisions I made, Even if its gonna hurt me like hell. I dont deny it, I look up to him alot. He may not be the perfect Father, but he sure does try his best to be one. People might think that im a 'mummys' boy and such, BUT hey. after all they had done in bringing this family up and intact, am I gonna just live my life and leave them like that after I have all that I needed? No, its called gratitude, and to those who are still unaware of its existence, I feel sad for them.

Often I find myself at crossroads, and iI have to make decisions I wish I can avoid. Im told to not look back. But thats something that I cant seem to do. I dont keep books sealed tight, I just lock em up and throw the keys somewhere. At times if its worth it, Id search back for the keys, and at times, people find them for me.

Nothing in this world lasts. Its just a holding ground, the greatest curse for the sons of Adam. To wake up everyday, not knowing if youd see another day, and to brave the world as the tides comes and goes

This is me yanto singning off. To remind you in case you forget, of the subtle things in life that we tend to overlook.

peace, Wassalam.