12.27.2007

A QUATER CENTURY

Im a quater century now

And lifes just coming along

Answering the what and hows

And figuring out the rights and wrongs

Im a quater century now

And lifes opening its arms

Embracing me with warmth and asks how

Im going about cos I can be such a bum

I look back to life and said only this

That im a free spirit who have much to give

To conquer himself and defeat his beast

Reborn not as a child but as a man, whos ready to live.

At 25, When most people think they have already live long enough to claim that they have actualy lived, I froze time and in its essence, realise that im just beginning to live. LIke caterpillars undergoing metamorphosis, we humans also go throught the same cycle. We do grow wings.....and with them, we soar higher and explore new horizons. Only when we fly up high into the sky...can we see the real picture of the reality we are in. Shifts in perspectives and paradigms.

My reality may not be the same as others, the same way as how my common sense may differ from others as well. There is no real 'right 'or wrong answers. However there are 'accepted' right and wrong answers. So how do we know if we are in the right? We can never know till the day of judgement. BUT, what we can be sure of, is that different people have different opinions. Observing ourselves, knowledge and values instilled into us since young, we are our own judge. We judge ourselves before others could. As it takes faith to create a religion. It takes confidence and trust to build up character and principles existing in your own reality. Most of the time, we are living in others reality. Maybe its time to wake up from this dream, this borrowed reality and enter reality. Your own reality.

May GOD bless me with the wisdom of the prophets.

Ameen.

can`t you even see through me? `` Thursday, December 27, 2007

12.23.2007

Biyanne

Shangrila was it? Yeah..how can I forget that place. I had to track up the hills and knolls of richmans land to get to. We mistook Shang Ri La apartments for it the hotel though. Fauzy was smart to think of a decent way to ask for directions. A young Malay as at the reception counter.

Fauzy: Excuse me, can you please direct us to the sunshine room

Receptionist: Sorry sir, theres no such room here.

Fauzy : Oh, this is Shang Ri La hotel right?

Receptionist: No it isnt sir, thats the one beside this building

Fauzy: Oh sorry, and thank you

Receptionist: (looking at me) You are here for the part time job issit?

Me: (shocked) Erm..No im not...(smile) :)

Ok we both found it strange that she only directed that question to me. Do i look like im in need of cash that BAD.sheeeeesh

We headed on to SRL hotel. The place was sooo huge that they had 2 wings. NASTY.wats worst, we went up to the wrong wing after a long climb up the hill..ARGHHH! ( to be continued )

I am drained...but im happily drained. These busy lifestyle is good. It kinda keeps me out of more trouble in a way. Ive not been excercising for the whole week. Im feeling sinful as it is. Gotta train more...gambatte!!

After a few sleepless nights, the reports for SB is finally done and im relieved. And just when I feel I can slack a little, a new challenge awaits.....I miss slacking..haha...but I guess its too late to turn back now...Look forward and move on. No regrets, stick to the plan.

Its been a while since ive thought about deep stuffs, maybe cos im too bz...however, afer beeing rooted to the tv for almost a day to watch MY WITCH, YU HEE, this korean show ( which feature a very cute preety actress, gosh im so awed by her beauty, whether its real or not, i dont really give a damn....god must have really spent a little more time on her.) any way.....this Yu Hee gal is a very strong headed and independant lady. the thing is shes confused when it comes to love. I take it as shes selfish and greedy. Its like you have two good options and not knowing who to choose. Just holding on to both...and see which one cocks up. I guess its a natural thing.its sad to see love evolve into something as such. Things like this makes me not want to settle down any time soon. the system is failing people!

Am I making sense?

Anyways...in that note, I would like to address something of importance here. In this course of life im going, ive encountered things which I dont seem to really comprehend. This thing about love. I figured that im the kind of person who always gives...and im kinda find it awkward when the other party does it to me. prolly cos Ive never experienced it before. Im sorry to those people whose dreams I cant fulfill. I do not know how to handle this kinda situations...cos like i said, im always giving. And when I give, it means that ive already made up my mind to be with someone, the only reason for me to feel otherwise is if I believe the other person can be happier without me or when she no longer needs me. I do not know how to reciprocate. Im sorry. Its not because you all are lacking or anything, its just me. And by now, you all might realise that my only solution is to be quiet and not do anything except for being as per normal, cos i seriously do not want to lead anyone on. Cos I know how it sucks being led on. So again im sorrie, Biyanne

Im fine as I am right now :)

I have enough love to sustain me for the meantime

The love of angels.

May you all find happiness.

I hope I can get well soon. I hate being sick like this.

Someone send me a korean bride please a vietnam one would be nice too...prolly in ten years time ok..HAHAH.

take care peeps.

can`t you even see through me? `` Sunday, December 23, 2007

12.19.2007

MAY GOD HAVE MERCY

Here I am...abraubtedly awaken from my slumber. Since I find it hard to get back to LALA land, I decided to make this entry.

For this past two weeks, I have been very2 busy. So busy that im almost out every single day. And NO...its not like im going out on dates or anything, its just commitments.....im taking this thing seriously..seriously with a capital S.

Ive been running around and juggling time between my family, FYP, T.Arts and Tapac. Ive not have enough sleep or proper meals for quite some time now. I think im losing more weight and more energy. Maybe thats why im so sick now, AND the weather is not helping!!

Ive found two great passion in life and thats music and drawing. I plan to realize these dreams of mine, one that ive not been able to think of previoulsy. Im 24, to most people in this society, im old. However, to people generally across the world, life is just starting. Im still young and I think god has made life for me as such so that I can really achieve something. Getting a degree is not the end. Its the begining, the foundation to whats to come (as said by SB). He made me realise things that no one can, and he made me believe that im worth much more than what I think. Those long nights in Tapac was indeed a blessing. I think god every day for bringing me to him.

gosh my head is killing me.

T.arts is progressing very well, and fauzy is a great teacher. I think im getting better by his coaching...tweaking me a little here and there, at the same time being very patient with my cornyness and all ( I feel you bro, haha). We are gonna have a full blast event at Bt Timah Shopping Centre (opp al-ameen) this weekend. Hope it will be a blast! Hanging out with them for the past weeks sure is memorable.

last Friday, we had a job at Shang Ri La. gawd..the place is sooooooo hard to get to.

getting sleepy....id continue this some other time yah

PS : didnt noe that being single is as complicated as when im not. God have mercy on me, Please dont lead me astray and do keep me close to the path you created (ameen)

can`t you even see through me? `` Wednesday, December 19, 2007

12.09.2007

Sunday's sunday

I was late! Promise to meet osh at Jurong East MRT by 945. I came at 10 (sorry dude)

I was practically forcing my eyes open and dragging my battered body out of home. I was that tired. Saw the "tissue paper one doller" auntie. She sure was dressed up for SUNDAY. She was wearing yellow from head to toe (no kidding) Prolly she wants the sun that badly. I feel for her...I miss my sunshine too.

Went over to the Chinese chamber of commerce for our performance. Never expected a Malay wedding to be held there. I mean..the front entrance kinda look like a Chinese temple. Well it sure was an experience. Fusion people...this is what the new world is all about*. Anyways, we were the first to arrive.

We hit it off at 1230pm sharp. Lenny was a bit under the weather....sigh....so most of the time...we have to cover by playing instrumental.Im sighing cos I was expecting to hear my fav classical songs after so long. Anyways, apparently the bride is Fatah's cousin if im not wrong. Small world.

Ive never seen so many preety gals in one function before. This 'majlis' takes the cake

Hahaha. ( I messed up a few beats today, I think you know why *wink)

Koko: Next song lagu salam laksmana

SB: lagu apa?

Osh : Salam laksmana

SB: apa?

Yanto : Salam laksmana

SB : Asal tak cakap siang2...alamak

Osh : Tu ah yanto..asal kau tak cakap siang2 (coyly)

Yanto: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ( im seriously too tired to entertain this)

There was a point whereby we keep playing joget songs. Im a bit drained at this moment....need smthing to keep me awake...

Osh : tak ke tak tung tung (joget)

Yanto : Thats what im playing (slightly annoyed)

smthing happens to cross our line of sight.

gendang: tak tak tung tung

SB : woit

Yanto : (grins coyly at him)

gendang : tak ke tak tung tung

After the show, we all went to KTM (railway) for dinner (fath if ur reading this, dont be jealous). I ate alot in such along time. Im feeling guilty for that (weird). I had yong taufu with maggi curry. We chit chatted for a while before heading home. Im dead beat.

SB : Kita mesti hargai budaya kita. Generasi awak semua nie terlalu banyak budaya barat.Dari, kebaratan, kita kena ada tahap realisasi. kesedaran atas siapakah diri kita. Selepas itu baru kita boleh terima kebudayaan.

The wise old man never fail to impress me. His conversations are never dull or a waste of time. Theres messages hidden in them. If you manage to unlock them, then alhamdulilah. that ilmu is yours.

Anyways....let me share with you some of the best performance we had (personal opinion)

This is a song called 'adikku sayang'. I really miss working with the kids. Hope we have another 'bengkel' soon.

* The writer wishes to emphasize that fusion is good provided that one knows about his roots in the first place. So ignorance in this sence...is not bliss.

can`t you even see through me? `` Sunday, December 09, 2007

12.08.2007

Let December Roll In with "Style"

lets paint the town RED

As mentioned earlier......ive made plans and commitments for the month. And amazingly, im sticking religiously to it! I think im getting more discipline in this new passion of mine, evolution.

You know that there are things that you know you should be doing but never actually have the determination or the 'push' to do it. Well..I think I have found mine and I only have HIM to thank for. For making me face all sorts of hurdles and kinda like telling me,

"DUDE YOU ARE NOT GONNA LIVE FOREVER....WAKE UP, AND DONT PUT TO WASTE THIS LIFE IVE GIVEN YOU!!"

Doesnt sound religious...but hey..HE understands me best..and thats what matters most. I pray that I have HIS blessings in whatever Im doing.

Here are highlights of the things I did.

First weekend of December, I attended Nisa 's (my ex) wedding dinner. She looked like a deserving queen indeed. It was held at Suntec and I have to admit, the whole thing was way too cool. Live band, nice ambience...nothing could be improved on (well mayb the food). It was nice meeting old friends and catching up and stuff. I have complaints from people that I dont know how to dress up for these kinda events. Well sorry to say this, but my fashion sense is not limited by stereotypes or social expectations. I will wear what I think suits me and the event. I think im a fussy dresser in the sense that I DO NO LIKE TO WEAR FORMAL ATTIRES. One reason is because maybe I do not like the formal stuffs that I own as they are rather to baggy or too 'out of touch'. I feel like an old man in them. So, lets go through the attire for the evening.

As I was not directly from home, I was already in my :

Truck cap, 'dog tags', white byford tees, khaki CK jeans and brown Trail snickers.

I was carrying a backpack...and in it was a black formal coat my water bottle and deodorant.

Ok....so once I reach there, after my magrib prayers, I simply put on the coat. Done, formality and personality intact. After much disapproval from my friends and assurance that my hair does not looked like it was moulded to my head, I decided to take off the cap.

After the dinner, Nisa said that I looked very smart....seee even the bride was impressed (HAHA). So people, I dont have issues in THIS ok.

Ok I know that I should 'dress up my age' (24) as said by 'some people'. Look, I dont mean to be disrespectful but being my age is just too boring. I dont like conformity in this sense. I believe what you wear reflects your personality. I find it weird how people judge your dressing to how mature you are. I mean please...havent you all heard of 'dont judge a book by its cover' .Seriously I think the one who needs growing up, is definately not me.

Ok next....was my commitment to T-arts. I spend 2 days (Wed and Thurs) with Fauzy, brushing up on my skills. Thanx for being so patient with me bro. As the wet season has started, I had problems cycling to school (boo hoo). I feel my body getting back to lazy mode already...Got to do something.

Wed night, went to Tapac for practice and get my doze of wise advice from the old man (HAHA).

Thursday, had a great time chilling with Razak and Rawdah before my 'practice' with boss Fauzy. After that, I dragged Fath to chill with me cos I was so damn bored and well...bored(HAHA). She was a good shopping buddy too...

I bought Hush Puppies Singlets and paded gloves for cycling/weights. After that we watched GOLDEN COMPASS.

Friday, Dara and Ibrizah dragged me on a rainy Friday afternoon to PASIR RIS!! Im somehow in this BBQ commitee (like WHEN??) Anyways im under logistic and by protocol, have to recce the site. After that....I went home and rested. Remember me saying that I had to do something about preventing my body to fall into lazymode. Well I did, I went out on a cycling run to Toh Guan that very night, getting my back light (for the bike) along the way and then rounded the whole of Jurong West. Safety comes first, so thats why I have all the helmet, gloves and stuff (get the drift). Its nice to have set the heart rate back to active mode.

Saturday, T-arts Meeting!! yey..after so long...we finally had a meeting to plan out future projects and direction of the group. Its been a yr already...wow..how time flies. Next....Tapac.....have a show the day after...Why am I not asleep already!!

Im getting hungry....have no appetite this days...and skipping meals does help in saving my dwindling account.

Well since ive got no song to share for this entry( prolly cos im lazy to search for lyrics at this time of night) let me share this song, going out to those who are thinking to get back to shape. Ok if you are wondering why, well let me tell you that as an NS 2nd sergeant who spends almost 2yrs rotting as an instructor in Tekong, Im in deep shit if I dont shape up for reservist. Imagine BT TIMAH hill as a hill of crap....im burried deep down to the foot of that crap hill. Thats the kinda shit im facing.So heres how it goes (same melody as "if you are happy and you know", the children song, if you dnt noe this, drop out and go back to kindergarden.

THE HUNGRY SONG (PAST 8PM)

If you're hungry and you're fat then go to sleep

If you're hungry and you're fat

And you cant fit in those slacks

If you're hungry and you're fat than

GO TO SLEEP.

I will end this entry with a few words, Be true to yourself, and GOD. You are like a diamond in a heap of cubic zirconiums. Only the wise can know the difference and see you sparkle from miles away. So its ok if you dont get picked, its not the right one yet and a rare thing like a diamond deserves to be picked up by someone more deserving.

" I think ive been in the shadows for a tad too long, maybe its time to step into the limelight for a change".

Ps: nice to see new people on the tagboard. I may not noe you please intro aight, friendships are not to be missed out in this short time we call life. Oh and if ive not been contacting you, its cos im really bz with my tight scheduel as, mentioned. So if any of you want to meet up, either you come down to NTU or West. The recce was an exception, its an 'obligation'. SOWIEEE.

can`t you even see through me? `` Saturday, December 08, 2007

12.01.2007

The unexpected

Hey...its December....its time for a new color scheme...(trying to color code entries by mths)

Ive laid out plans for the month. Im gonna be fully commited to T.arts, kemuning and FYP. Yah..its in order of importance.

Today was cool, I kinda pampered myself after months of not doing such. Fauzy asked me out to a job, caricaturing.So the 3 of us, me, him and Faris, went to copthorne hotel (wat a difficult place to find!!) for a TKGS alumni 20th anniversary cum fund raising event Im kinda understudying for my solo event on the 14th for Cadburry. Hope I can catch up fast.
We chilled after that, watched a movie and had long walks. It was a nice night for a walk by the way....and its been so long since I walk past the night scene at clark quey.

On the way back home, I met Shasha, a good friend of Dianahs. It was a really unexpected meeting. I never thought Id see her again after soo long. Shes as preety as ever...and her maturity never fails to amuse me. We chatted throughout the entire journey back...about life....about stuffs....it was cool.

So till next time...

PS: Cycling trip anyone??

can`t you even see through me? `` Saturday, December 01, 2007